Things I Have Learned From My Brothers

That pyromaniacy starts with candles.

That ‘family sized’ means “there’s a whooole heap of them”

“We have here two legs, two wings and two thighs.” “Um…Cat… What you have is a hollow chicken.”

Awesomeness is measured by the volume of your belch. Or how much you know about trucks. Or demolition. Or how much you can eat. Or how many mouth noises you can make.

On the other hand, (and this is why it’s great to be a girl) awesomeness is measured by how good dinner was and how big a hug a boy can get after scaring the life out of you. Or by the fact that you can fix a favorite shirt. Or because you can pick up a ten year old, who in turn, can pick you up.

Success is measured by how dirty you are at the end of the day.

“The ancient Egyptians didn’t use the bathroom!” Oh, but they did. If you’re human, you use the bathroom….” Well, they didn’t have toilets. How do you use the bathroom without a toilet?” (Of course, they had flushable toilets, but he’s 4)

Never is only about 3.2 seconds.

Forever is only about 2.6 seconds.

Irish drinking songs are the best for car rides. It sure beats singing “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” with someone who can’t count.

There’s nothing better than watching a four foot construction fall to the ground with a crash.

There’s nothing worse than watching a four foot construction fall to the ground with a crash.

Humour is defined by how hard the other guy hits the ground.

Who needs discretion when you have an ER?

Reasonable is questionable.

Never think first. That will only stop you. You will never find out if umbrellas can really carry you gently to the ground from the roof if you first ask yourself “is this dangerous?” or “would Mom approve?” Always remember: it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission. Especially when dealing with women.

It’s always lunchtime. (Indeed, it is!)

If you run into a wall accidentally, the best thing to do is to run into to it again.

“Push Dom, and Dan falls”